Ask Alice.

You said, the cinders are falling like snow. There is poetry in despair and we sang with unrivaled beauty. Bitter elegies of savagery, of blue and grey..- Davey Havok.
Who knows, maybe I'm afraid of falling asleep. I don't feel it though, I just can't stop my mind from racing. Random lyrics pop into my head, makes me feel tired. My head hurts, too much thinking. I listen to Davey sing, I take comfort in his angelic voice. Words unspoken speak to me, hidden between the lines. He's haunted just like us, our ghosts rippling just beneath the surface of our souls. No angels here, just us chickens with crazies for mothers. Piano strains can be heard in the distance. They get farther and farther away, as the dawn approaches. I have so many thoughts going through my head when I lay down. Maybe I should start carrying around a notebook and write them down so they don't bounce around all day, gaining momentum until they get released when my walls come down. Sigh, tension headaches are no good, have a feeling I'll be up till dawn again. Sometimes I don't like myself, of the things that float in my head, things I'll never tell another soul. Well, maybe not today. I forget right after, but it's still with me. Watching me, waiting until I get weak. I thought that it would end but looks can be decieving. Leave a coin on my eyelids and let me pass peacefully. Here we go again, who are you? I'm out of my mind. Hope this makes sense to SOMEBODY. It's a little confusing to me, and I said it. Why do people in glass houses still throw their stones? Does it feel good? Where's the Advil? Do you think people will still be around when the see the darker side of you? They say they will but.. look at this. You never know. I don't like not knowing but I don't want to know either. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I don't think I know who the real me is. I've changed, I can see that. I want to know now, what I'll know later. It'll save me some time and heartache. But that's all life is, isn't it? Making mistakes one after another, not stopping until you die and then it's off to another life to do the same. Good thing most of us don't remember our past lives. If we did, we'd all go nuts remembering all the bad stuff we did. Unless you have no heart. Then you won't care. If you go chase rabbits, be aware that you'll find what you don't want to know. And you can't give it back. Bag of lazy bones, get up! I always cry alone.

Reality, you suck.

A: I recently discovered I don't like NOT working. I've only worked at my new job for two days, and yes.. it is tiring and yes, my feet did kill after the day. But, I'm going crazy NOT working. And I don't know what I'm going to do after Sunday because that's the last day for my hostess job, so maybe I'll just call in tomorrow morning and see if there is anything for me to do in between this job and my next job that I have lined up. B: I want a car of my own so badly, that when I think of it I want to cry because it seems so far away. But, I figure that if I keep up on this, work as much and as often that I can. Then I'll be able to afford to put a down payment on if not pay for it completely, my dream car. Let's get a visual shall we?
Nice huh? Well, I can't wait for the day that I can have my own car. Exciting. But, I feel a bit melancholy now. I seem to have some odd dreams when I listen to a few specific songs at night. For instance, when I listen to Epiphany by Staind.. as I did last night, I have terrible nightmares about my twin dying in a car crash and then I go absolutely nuts, and I wake up with tears streaming down my face. I dont have a twin!! And that's only one song too, there are others that do it as well. Wonder what that's all about? I dont think I want to go to school this year either. I'm not sure what I want to do. I think that maybe since I have so many conflicts going on inside my head, that maybe it's why I feel like crap. Like, I dont know what to do, I feel happy about one thing but then I think about another thing like school and work and then it just brings me down. Not too bad but ya know, it's not fun. *sigh* I need a cookie. A big fat one. BTW, that cookie recipe you gave me is really good. I made some tonight, and it tastes really good.