Crash, the pieces fall in a downward spiral.
Spirit wilting like a damaged flower, shoulders fall weak under the weight.
Feel the air charged with energy, take hold of the lightning.
World falling apart once again, grab a branch and hold on for life.
Dance as if you aren't alone, smile like it doesnt hurt.
Take it in, break the chains, you're in charge now.
Throw your self pity away, becoming stronger.
Theres a time to surrender and a time to fight.
Together we stand, united in our solitude.
We forge on, against the inner turmoil that seems to ensue.
Keep your head up, dont look down.
Pay no heed to the snapping at your heels, keep a steady pace.
I was thinking about how the time has flown by. Seems that I've been devoting pretty much all my time on my sister and her life, taking care of my niece. And I've neglected to take care of myself, of my needs and wants. I know that the world wont fall at my feet if I'm not there to keep it together, but I cant seem to help it. It's like I LIKE taking care of her. In a way I guess it's true, but I've just got to keep telling myself that this isnt all there is. I'm going to get out of here, I'm going to have fun.. but only when I'm ready. Yeah, I am almost 20 but I just have to stop being scared, take a deep breath and plunge into the waters called life. It's a VERY daunting thought, having to take care of myself ALL ON MY OWN, but it's something that I need to do. Only then will I be able to call myself an adult. Like I just said, I've got to keep my eyes fixed ahead and keep moving even if I'm only moving by inches. Things dont happen overnight. But, I AM going to do that weight loss thing that my sister was selling. I'm going to try it for a week starting tomorrow, and if it goes well.. well then I'll have succeeded something huh? I'm going to have to get some motivational music or something to put on my iPod. Oh my, I'm sooo obsessed with music, I HAVE to find new music once a day, it's like my life. The feeling that I get when I hear a good song.. it's indescribable, but it's almost like a drug to me. Nice, huh?
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These are the lamentations of a less than perfect human, with an open mind and an open heart.
4 comments:
Ummm. Have I maded you question your life course? I didn't mean to. You know, you don't have to like jump right into it. You are totally allowed to make your life into anything that you want it to be. You don't have to listen to anything your older sisters tell you, or anyone else for that matter. So with that said, remember that I love you, and I will be here for you whenever you need me to be there. And sometimes, I'll "be there" so often that you're gonna ask me to please stop calling... No really. I know how you think.. Your thinking... No way. I could never get bored of Felicia... But I promise... It can happen..lol. No really. If it sounds scary, it's cause it is! But you feel like you have to do it on your own, and that is not the case. If you want to make a big change, come live with me for awhile. We'll go out and get you all aquainted with life, and you would be surprised how nice it could all work out. And my friends are dying to meet you. So what are you waiting for???? Oh... you don't really know either? Oh well! Don't make hasty decisions, and baby steps are still, after all, steps.
I know I dont have to do it all at once but.. I guess that's the only way that I CAN. All or nothing right?
Aaw. I love my Flappy. Thank you for the letter. Just like ole' times...
OK, FIXED-ED IT. THANK-EE
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